A year of profound change

It has been a year of very profound changes. Some good, some not so.

I started a new job in February. I stayed with the same employer but am doing something completely different. I am in network and computer support and I travel all over the Northwest. It is challenging and immensely satisfying. It's like a career change without losing seniority, pay grade, etc. Ironically, I discussed this with my spouse before I put in for the job to make sure he would be OK with the travel that would be required and most of the responsibility for looking after Connor would fall on him. He was all for it.

Unfortunately, at the same time my spouse decided to start having an affair. He took advantage of my business travel to spend time with this woman. He managed to keep it fairly under wraps for a few months but only the most accomplished liar could maintain it very long. Shortly after our 26th wedding anniversary in July, I confronted him. He moved out shortly afterward. He and his girlfriend then moved to Alaska in the fall.

Our children were and remain devastated. Even as adults, when the one thing you took for a certainty is suddenly pulled from underneath, you question everything you thought you believed. It is especially hard on our only daughter who was Daddy's Girl. She feels betrayed and is very angry.

I still have a 16 year old at home. It is obvious to him his Dad abandoned him. Fortunately, he and I have always been closer and he seems to be doing well. He has to go to Alaska for visitation over Christmas but knows that if he feels uncomfortable, he is old enough to decide for himself whether he goes again.

Sam, 19 and Air Force ROTC, said to his dad, "You spoon fed us scouting our whole lives. I guess you just violated every oath and law there is." I was really proud of him for standing up to his dad. He was home the entire summer and watched the whole thing happen. He saw how much it hurt me and was the most wonderful support. A lot to ask of a 19 year old.

My oldest son, Tom and his wife Amy, are moving back into the house next week. They will help out with Connor for the next year as it is unavoidable that I must travel. I am really looking forward to them being here. I enjoy their company and I think they will be a good, steadying influence for Connor.

I am so lucky I have such great kids, all four of them. They have been here for me at the worst time. They took turns coming home for weekends so I would not have to be alone even though they did not have to do that. They just did it. I think I raised them right.

The divorce proceedings are going very slowly. He was in such a hurry to file the papers and get out of town but now that he's gone, he acts like "out of sight, out of mind." I just want to get this over and done and close this chapter of my life so I can move on.

I have been cleaning out my house, resorting, reshuffling, redecorating. Amazing what a little paint will do. It's cheap and easy to do. I did Connor's room for $38! Leftover paint from the bathroom last summer = free. Drapes, sheets, and a throw rug at Ross for $38. It looks great. I want to paint the living room and my bedroom next. The big project will be the main bathroom because I'll have to strip wallpaper. My least favorite thing...

I tell people please do not be sorry for me. I have come to terms with my new life. Some things can be a blessing in disguise. I still have a really great job, I have my kids, I have my health, I have wonderful, supportive friends, I have my home. And I have new possibilities before me. God has given me strength and will see me through.

On that I can rely.